I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
