guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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