We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
