You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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