his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
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