And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
