i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
