I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
