I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
