Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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