Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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