I think I won the penis lottery.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
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