somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
