Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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