i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
