On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
