never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
