Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
