He disabled his match.com account in front of me
This girl is more easily done than said...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
