it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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