Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
