I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
