it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
