just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
