you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
