Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
