Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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