oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
