Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
