So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
