yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
