I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
