I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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