Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
