oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
