I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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