Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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