I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
