what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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