Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
