the condom got lost in my hair
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
