i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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