Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
