I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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