I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
