No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
