just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
