I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
