i think my mom watched the whole time
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
