and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
